Views from China: This One’s for the Moms!
We took to the Shanghai streets for stories to celebrate moms, memories, and all the ways women love and lift us up.
Happy Mother's Day!
“I’m an old woman, of course I have children, even my children have children! With motherhood, what is there to do but just do it day in and day out - sometimes it's all a blur! We raise them until they are adults and they are successful, and our jobs are done! Both of my children are doing very well. They have lots of apartments and my daughter bought me the apartment I live in now. She bought it in the 1990’s for a steal! They’re both here in Shanghai, along with all the grandchildren, but they’re all very busy. Usually it’s just the two of us - we’ve been married for more than 40 years!”
“It’s a huge joy, but of course, life has changed. When I had my own children I realized we all need to have more patience. This is a big lesson, even now I feel like I need to learn to control myself. When it comes to other things I don’t get easily riled up or emotional, but with my children, I’m sensitive. My mom wasn’t like that - she didn’t get angry. Even now she says “you need to speak nicely, don’t get so angry.”
“The things that make my mom happy are pretty simple. My mom isn’t like the other older retired aunties and uncles who like to go to the park and take walks, she likes to nap! She tells me, “Son, if you and your family want to come visit, then I have to do all these things to get prepared and then wonder about when you’ll arrive…” and it makes her feel anxious. She enjoys her freedom to nap when she wants and go out when she wants. She likes it when I buy food and snacks and hang it on the curtain rod outside her window; sometimes we don’t even see each other! But when she wakes up, she sees what I’ve brought her and that makes her happy.
I don’t want to tell her to do things differently, she’s almost 80 and in pretty good health. I mean, what if the changes I suggest make things worse for her? Our relatives still talk about how she spoiled me as a little boy. My cavities are all because of her and all the sweets she bought me! It’s these kinds of memories that run the deepest.”
“Me without makeup - that’s the biggest change since having a baby! Before, I was something completely different, if you can imagine that. I was blonde! It’s definitely worth it all - every day is special. To be honest, before him I thought I would never have a baby. Then I met my husband and suddenly I wanted a baby so much. The most special memories with my own mom are traveling together, which we didn’t do a lot. Last year we went to Thailand - she complained a lot but I know she enjoyed everything.”
“A long time ago my grandmother had her own pub on the river in Wales, and when her second husband died she came to live with my mom and us, so they live in a little house together now, with my sister just around the corner. My mom is an amazing listener, it's unbelievable. Even my friends would always tell me that. She’s just very calm when people talk, she doesn’t jump in just to say something back. It’s a real skill, I want to be better at that.”
“It feels rough, but great, to be a first time mom. There are so many memorable moments - breastfeeding, the day she started to walk, the day she was born. Frankly speaking, my mom wasn’t really around when I was growing up. Now we live together, and she’s helping me take care of the baby, so it’s kind of given us another chance to live all together again. Our relationship has changed. I never wanted to have kids, but here I am. She was quite surprised, and now she is really happy.”
“It’s a baby girl - we just knew it. I’m most looking forward to us being a team, a little gang. I think being a mom is something you just learn on the job. It’s always just been us. But here’s a story for you - we had a cat in the UK, and five months before we left the UK to live in the UAE we lost him while he was traveling to my mum’s house. Yesterday we got a message on Facebook saying that the cat had been found, four and a half years later. He was our first baby.”
“The most beautiful thing about becoming a mother is when he is sweet and affectionate towards me. The biggest way my life has changed is that I have no time for myself anymore. I understand much more now about the things my Mom did when I was younger, and why she was the way she was. She lives in Shanghai, although not with us. She’s much sweeter to little ‘Grape’ than she was with me when I was a child!”
Photography by Alejandro Scott
Translation by Diane Lu
Edited by Clara Elizabeth Davis
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